Forbidden Family

I had to fill out yet another government form today:

“I am the individual to whom the information/record applies or that person’s parent (if a minor) or legal guardian. I know that if I make any misrepresentation which I know is false to obtain information from Social Security records, I could be punished by a fine, imprisonment or both.”

Each time an adoptee fills out a form that requires “name, date and place of birth” that adoptee is either knowingly or unknowingly lying. Adoptees are forced to lie by the very nature and status of our known and unknown identities. All adoptees have a legal identity that is different from their identity at birth. And, officially, our adoptions are not acknowledged as part of our identity.

I rush through the data, seething inside:

Name: Joan Mary Wheeler

Date of Birth: 1-7-1956

That is my legal identity. But I was not born with that name. In fact, Joan Wheeler did not legally exist until one year and one month AFTER my date of birth. Joan Wheeler was adopted not born. To be accurate and truthful: I was born to a mother who is not my legal mother and no paperwork exists — legally — to prove my birth. So I am forced to lie whenever I write my name and date of birth. To be accurate I should write the following on all forms:

Name: Doris M Sippel

Date of Birth: 1-7-1956

Date of Finalization of Adoption: 1-14-1957

Date of legal name change: 1-14-1957

Date of sealing and falsification of birth record: somewhere between 1-14-1957 and March 1957.

Date adoptive parents received new, amended and falsified birth record for Doris Sippel/Joan Wheeler: March 1957

So, when I see these words on government forms: “I know that if I make any misrepresentation which I know is false… I could be punished by a fine, imprisonment or both”, I take that as a threat to me by my government. Each and every time I am forced to write my name and date of birth, I know I have to write the accepted version of truth for simplicity’s sake. I am, however, forced to live lies perpetrated by my city, state and federal governments.

The ones guilty of fraud and perjury (misrepresentation of material facts; false statements of facts) are: the Surrogate Court Judge who signed my Final Order of Adoption; The Registrar of Vital Statistics of Buffalo, New York; New York State Department of Health; and the US Federal Government for lack of clarity and standardization of birth and adoption records.

The United States of America needs a federal mandate to correct these inconsistencies for all domestic and foreign-born adoptees.

Join in the fight to change our laws by clicking on these links: Equal Access for Adult Adoptees: http://www.change.org/petitions/view/equal_access_for_adult_adoptees (a Petition to the President of the United States and the US House of Representatives);  Letter to President Obama at Family Preservation: http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/2010/01/call-for-signatures.html; Adoptees: Fight for the right to your own identity in Illinois! http://www.change.org/petitions/view/adoptees_fight_for_the_right_to_your_own_identity_in_illinois; Restore Adult Adoptee Access to Original Birth Certificates http://www.change.org/petitions/view/restore_adult_adoptee_access_to_original_birth_certificates.

~ ~ ~ Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, author of Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, Trafford Publishing, Nov 2009.

Can I buy your book in my country?

I don’t know every available online avenue where my book is being sold. I don’t know every sales link, nor do I know every country that has its own equivalent to Amazon.com. However, I do know that my book’s direct sales link, worldwide, is: 

http://www.trafford.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000137652

You can click on that link from  anywhere in the world and order my book, Forbidden Family. This is the direct buy set up through Trafford Publishing. This means that once you place your book order, the Trafford Print Shop processes that order and ships the book to you anywhere in  the world within a very short time; three days I think. That is the beauty of Publish on Demand Publishing.

Is your book available in Book Stores?

No, not yet. The downside to choosing to publish with an online Publish On Demand publisher is that the book is not yet available in bookstores.

How do I buy your book?

To buy a copy of my book you must have Internet access.

I saw your book at $1 a long time ago. Are you getting Royalties?

Yes, I am. That $1 price has been corrected. Please do not worry about any unusual discounted prices. I will still be getting my share of royalties, so if you see a ridiculously low price somewhere, know that the book seller paid full price for the books and I am still receiving royalties. Several of my readers have written to me asking about that. As an author, I am completely in the dark about how this book is being sold and purchased by worldwide book sellers.

Your book’s name is out there, but no cover photo or book blurb.

I know that a few online book sellers do not have a cover photo nor do they have a write up of “About The Book”. I cannot control this oversight. If you spot anything that needs attention, please let me know via email at the contact page tab. I can email or call my publisher and have them look into any problem that is out there.

Why did you choose Trafford?

I chose Trafford Publishing because they were the best Publish-On-Demand publishers available. Their staff is wonderful and professional. There are pluses and minuses to any publishing contract. I like the provision that reverts the copyright back to me. I also like the provision that the book is available through Trafford Publishing worldwide. It will be available for sale online at their bookstore for as long as I choose to keep it available, and as long as Trafford is a publisher. This means it will never go out of print.

Should I, at some point, pick up a contract with a mainstream publisher, my contract with Trafford allows me to do that without penalty.

The advantages of picking up a mainstream publisher would mean that the mainstream publisher would then pick up all media exposure and bookings for lectures and book signings. Currently, I am doing this completely on my own as I cannot afford to pay for these services at the pay-per-services fees through Trafford.

I still would like to see your book on the shelves in a book store!

So do I! It will eventually get there!

So, for the confusion that is out there, even if you cannot locate an online bookseller in your country, please check back at this website for the LINK to TRAFFORD PUBLISHING at which you may always purchase my book.

Can I get an autographed copy?

Unfortunately, at this time, the only way to receive an autographed copy is to purchase the book through me. I will have to work out a sales fee based upon  location of purchaser for the shipping costs. Just yesterday, I sent the book to Idaho and to The Hague, at two very different and expensive shipping costs. So, right now, I take the loss on the expensive shipping costs. This will be eventually worked out.

I am also devising ways in which I can perhaps solve the “signed copy” problem. Stay tuned to this post for more info on this as I invent a solution ….

Will your book be available at our local Library?

The only way for that to happen is for you to request that your Library pick it up and pt it in their collection. Here’s how to do that: give them this information and ask the Library to add Forbidden Family to  their library:

ISBN number is: 978-1-4120-6154-4. Date of publication: Nov 2009. Trafford Publishing link: http://www.trafford.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000137652

So, thank you for your questions. I hope I’ve answered them here. If not, please email me!

~ ~ ~ Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, author of Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, Trafford Publishing, Nov 2009.

Many thanks to Robbie for introducing me to this topic. Yeah, I’m a victim of this, both past and presently. Great articles, but my favorite is this: Gang Stalking: Psychological Targeting in a Group Setting from Rheyanne Weaver.

Trash talk is everywhere online about me. My “fans” have made a mockery out of me, but they are the ones who are showing their true colors. And guess what? Their stupidity, malicious attacks are backfiring. Instead of turning people away from me, they are making more book sales for me! And my true Friends and Fans are in touch. Heartwarming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Those of you who wrote to me during these last few weeks of the Change.org contest, you’ve spoken words of passion, of being victimized by adoption, and you’ve shown me your own demons. I’ve found the place I needed to be for a long time: AAAFC. Several friends in the past have encouraged me to join. I tried twice in the past few years, but this last attempt, well, I made it in! Actually, my own stumbles with online message boards and getting used to the media were to blame for me not completing the process. I had to finish my book. Now that that’s done, I can really focus on staying connected with online media friends.

So this brings me back to Gang Stalking. Robbie mentioned it last evening. And boy, what a difference this revelation has been! Long before the Internet, my life has been influenced by family networks of relatives just eager to gossip about me, to ruin me, to make me look like dirt. I succumbed to decades of harassment by developing permanent damage to my nervous system in the form of traumatic nightmares, a heightened startle reflex, fear of people, extreme shyness, and medical problems. I was also suicidal for a very long time. I can easily fall back into that, thanks to my online “fans” who want me to fail. Ignore them, you say? I do. I’m not actively seeking them out, nor am I bothering them. My mere existence — my very birth — has been a bother to them for all of my 54 years. I wish they would just go away.

Now, for those who want to say that my negativity is saying no to reunion, you are wrong. I am very much for responsible and respectful search and reunion. Trouble is, I didn’t even  have a respectful adoption, much less a respectful reunion. The ones who can talk among themselves and be each other’s supports can do so much damage to the one who is the target.

However, I have in-person and online true friends who are there for me. The occasional email from Michael in LA, from Jab and Amrita, also from  LA, and from folks who I won’t name, have meant the world to me. Elaine and Rene, in my darkest moments, you come through for me. Thank you.

In the last few weeks, I’ve stepped up connections as a published author. Doing the public speaking thing, well, I’ve done it in the past so I can do it again. The positive people around me now are making this time around much easier. And you make me laugh! From the autograph seeker, to the book reader, to the astonished church member and the common-sense church member who just can’t seem to understand why “they” falsified my birth certificate, to the retired college professor who extends a sincere soft smile with a request for my book, to the befuddled small business owner who said “They don’t do that today, anymore, do they?” — all of you are such cherished people! You’re making this journey of mine easier and more pleasant. With your eagerness to learn about my adoption and about the larger issues, you’ve made the journey through the Gang Stalking so much  more easier.

To Denis over at the tavern: you once asked me, “Is it safe being seen in public with you?” Well, my dear friend, you are safe. I’m safer because of you. I’m safer because you care. It’s not me who is dangerous. It’s the people doing the stalking who have caused me so much harm.

To Julie over at NLS, and to the Dandelions out there: thanks for your help and enthusiasm. You’re sweet. And resourceful. And Dandelions are all over the place! Spring is coming! Bring on that Dandelion salad!

See, as I get out there, meeting people, coming out of my shell, I’m finding true friends who are also my fans. If you folks talk among yourselves about me, I know it’s all good because you’ve given me hugs and smiles. You make up for the jealous maliciousness or shunning that my own family members continue to dish out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want these relatives in my life, at all. I don’t want to see their names, their faces, or have their friends seek me out in public. It’s been like that for years. Do I feel guilty? Hell no. I do not want abusers, users, stalkers and mean people in my life. I want peace and positive people in my life. New readers — want to know why I don’t want my own relatives in my life? Go read their trash talk about me. It’s free. My book will cost you. Go for the free and dirty stuff. The ones who yelled at me for attending adoption conferences and reading about adoption and writing my Letters to the Editor about adoption were so big on telling me that I am crazy for doing what I do and that they don’t want adoption shoved down their throats, well, these are the people who are out there now, writing their blogs and using adoption terminology as if they are the experts. They know what they’re talking about, I don’t. And I certainly don’t want them in my life. They don’t want me in theirs, so why are they reading my website and my book? Why are they stalking me, still?

And there’s a big difference between being a friend, a true fan, an interested person, a follower on Facebook or My Space or change.gov. True positive networking is not stalking. True family and friends can share something like,  “Gee, next time I perform, I’ll let you know so you can see the show” and know that true friends will follow you. 

So when I travel around seeing your shows and performances, I’m a fan. I may get tongue-tied because you are the star, but you make me happy. And from that, I’m learning a valuable lesson.  I’m starting to see people react to me that way and I’m touched by the sweetness. There are crazies out there, but  my true fans and friends, you are special.

Go read up on Gang Stalking. It’s a creepy thing. I’m a victim. But I’m a survivor, too.

See you all on AAAFC! And on the writers’, artists’ and musicians’ circuit.

Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, author of Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, Trafford Publishing, Nov 2009.

This tiny article (Puerto Rican birth certificate law affects Ill.) reveals a huge problem for people born in Puerto Rico. This article addresses only 50, 000 Illinoisans who were born in Puerto Rico that will have to ”get new birth certificates because of a law enacted in the U.S. island commonwealth.”

Identity theft seems to be the issue.

My questions: how many of the millions of Puerto Rican-born people affected are adoptees? Do Puerto Rican-born people adopted and brought to the mainland now have to get new amended birth certificates as well? Will their Original Birth Certificates be altered again, too? How many times are governments going to alter birth certificates for adoptees?

Federal officials have said up to 40 percent of U.S. identity fraud involves birth certificates from Puerto Rico.

As of July 1, all previously issued Puerto Rican birth certificates are void. It will affect more than a third of the 4.1 million people of Puerto Rican descent living in the 50 states.

Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, author of Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, Trafford Publishing, Nov 2009.

In watching a rerun of an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” the other day with my daughter, we watched a man suffer the symptoms of a brain tumor called gleoblastoma. Perhaps I misspelled it here. My daughter knew that my adoptive father died of that particular type of brain  cancer about four years before she was born. I told her how he died, and that what we saw on the TV show was not exactly how the disease manifested in her grandfather.

My adoptive father came home for Christmas 1981 with his head bandaged from brain surgery. His personality had been compromised and he could not tell us how much pain he was in. He died several months later in 1982.

My natural mother was very pregnant with me at Christmas 1955. She went into the hospital two days after Christmas and never came home again. Neither did I. Mom died several months later in March of 1956.

My adoptive mother was diagnosed with a type of leukemia two weeks before Christmas in 2004. She lived at home until 8 weeks ago when she fell. She is in a nursing home, waiting for me to bring her some items from home.

I read about sad Christmases from my adoption reform friends.

Somehow, may you find love and comfort.

This day a year ago he was rolling in the snow
With a younger brother in his father’s yard
Christmas break, a time for touching home
The heart of all he’s known, leaving was so hard
Now three thousand miles away he’s working Christmas Day
Earning double time for the minding of the store
He always said he’d make it on his own
He’s spending Christmas Eve alone
First Christmas away from home

She’s standing by the railway station, panhandling for change
One more dollar buys a decent room and a meal
Looks like the Sally Ann place after all
The vast and dreaming hall that echoes like a tomb
But it’s warm and clean and free, there are worse places to be
And at least it means no beating from her dad
And if she cries because it’s Christmas Day
She hopes it doesn’t show
First Christmas away from home

In the hall they’ve got the biggest tree but it looks so small and bare
Not like it was meant to be
And the angel on the top it’s not the same old silver star
You once made for your own
First Christmas away from home

In the morning there are prayers, then there’s tea and crafts downstairs
Then another meal up in his little room
Hoping that the boys will think to call
Before the day is done, well it’s best they do it soon
When the old girl passed away he fell apart more every day
Each had always kept the other pretty well
But the boys agreed the nursing home was best
‘Cause he couldn’t live alone
First Christmas away from home

In the common room they’ve got the biggest tree, it’s huge and lifeless
Not like it was meant to be
The Santa Claus on top it’s not the same old silver star
You once made for your own
First Christmas away from home

There are specific members of both my adoptive family and my natural family who have been warned to stay away from me: do not view or access my website. Do not show up to any book signings or lectures that I do. Do not deface any of my books that will be in book stores. Do not come to my house. Do not come to my church or mail letters there. Do not email me. Do not send me letters in the mail. Do not call me or talk other relatives to giving you my unlisted phone number. Stop your harassing and slanderous public attacks upon my personal reputation and my professional reputation. You have hurt me enough over the course of three decades. Stop. You don’t have to like what I do, but you do have to leave me alone. I am not bothering you. I do not have your unlisted phone numbers, nor do I know where you live, except for one person in Buffalo: I do know where you live and I have not contacted you in any way. You, however, are using your employer’s computers to access my website. You are using many IP addresses in Buffalo to bother me by reading my website. We saw each other in 2003 when our brother died. You started up again and I told you to stop. Stop. No contact means no contact. Forever.

The one in Watertown: nice try a few years ago to have our step mother make the call so you and I could talk. I know what you were fishing for and it ain’t gonna happen. You  did what you did to blatantly hurt me, my children, my now ex-husband, and my adoptive mother, especially on the night her husband, my adoptive father, died. You have no respect for our lives. Your nice letter orchestrated with the other Sippel sisters in 1993 to “Throw me out of the family” really showed you cared. You abused me in ways that no human should be abused. Especially not a youngest sister who was vulnerable, even at age 18 and 20. I was emotionally devastated by the shock of my reunion and the aftermath your phone call did to my parents and to me. None of you cared what damage you caused. You had your chance to patch our relationships, but you blew it. You and the others are not trustworthy. Stay out of my life. If we see each other when our father and step mother dies, so be it. We share a father and a step mother. When that time comes, behave yourself. That goes for the other two sisters, too. Beyond that, you have been and are now, again, told to stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime.

To the sister in Liverpool, England, better stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime. The last time I saw your face was the last time I was in Liverpool: Christmas 1979. You treated me like crap, going hysterical on  me, because I look like THEM. Of course I do! We have the same parents! Whatever you have in your mind that I have tried to throw you out of England, I have no idea what you tell people. You destroyed friendships and Cliff Hall from Thye Liverpool Spinners DIED without hearing from me how much he and his family meant to me on my two trips to Liverpool. Same thing with Chris and Hughie Jones. Same thing with Mick Groves and Tony Davis and Jacquie and Jack Owen. You sure do have a big mouth accusing me of doing things to you when I have had no contact with you since our phone converstation at Christmas of 1988. First you ask me to come to Liverpool, I plan it for two months, then, you  call me hysterically and tell  me that if I show up  I will ruin The Spinners’ last concert for you. I stayed in Buffalo because you didn’t want me. I did not ever contact  you again. But you called me, my children, my ex-husband, and yelled horrible statements at me for years. You are ordered to stay away from my website and any book signings and lectures I may do in England or Scotland. You are not welcome in my life — ever.

To the sister in Buffalo: stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime. When our father and our step mother get sick and die, other trusted family members will call me. You are not wanted in my life in any way, in any form. You have been told this a million times over the course of decades. Go away and stay away from me and my children. And do not even THINK of showing up at my adoptive mother’s funeral. You swine! You threatened her! You charged her with child abuse of her grandchildren! You violated an Order of Protection that I had out on you when you showed up at my house in 1993 when my husband and I were moving out of our marrital residence and into separate residences because I was divorcing him. I nver had a sexual or emotional affair with your boyfriend/husband! How dare you accuse me of such trash! And you kept it up for years, invading wherever I moved, calling me, calling my adoptive mother. Leave me and my family alone. Get out of my life! Do not contact any of my adoption reform friends. You are pressing your luck and offending people.

Even me writing this post is offensive. I want nothing to do with  my three sisters because of the separate and collective effort to malicioulsy hurt me. make fun of me. Put me down. Now, I have acheived my life goal: I would have been happy writtiing about all the fun and exciting things we did, like the Star Trek Convention. But the three of you just would not let up. I write an article in the paper against sperm donation and you blame me and accuse me of attacking  you. Keep your screwy nonsense to yourself. I do not want you in my life at all. The last time you were told this in person was at our father’s 80th birthday. I out up with your antagonistic attitudes for the party for the father we share, but I warned you then, and the fact that you are back, over and over again, means that I must, again, waste my time in securing law enforcement to keep you and the other Sippel sisters away from me.

To my three full blood sisters: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. The three of you are not the focus of my reunion, nor are you the focus of my life. You are simply not as important in my life as you seem to think you are.

My adoption and reunion with natural blood kin involve other people and my relationships with them. My book is largely about me: it is my memoir, my social work assessment of my adoption, and, my ivestigations into adoption law and statistics, and, my professional suggestions for change. Harasment from my sisters and from other relatives plays a part in my development, but this is but a part of the whole.

Other relatives are suspects in Buffalo and surrounding area. I have said this before to you many times: stay away from me, my website, and anything I do. Harassers, stalkers, cyber bullies, and abusers in general are not wanted in my life.

The few relatives who are kind and considerate, who have never hurt me, who have never hurt my children or my ex husband, or who have not hurt my adoptive mother, you know who you are. You are welcome in my life.

Sorry that my varied readership — England, Ireland, Scotland, Australia, Europe, Canada, New Zealand, Indonesia, Honolulu, India, Italy, Greece, Egypt, parts of Africa and all over the United States, Mexico, and South America — I am sorry to put warnings on my site. I am sorry to stoop down to my abusers’ level with this rambling tirad.

All people are welcome here. Especially other adoption reformers from around the world.

Specific people who have abused me and my children and my adoptive mother and my ex-husband were told many times over decades of abuse to get out of my life forever. Their input into my life and my adoption reform is not wanted, not needed, and is intrusive. By accessing my website, and other websites of adoption reformers, you are causing me, and my adoption reform friends, great distress. Go away. You were never interested in my adoption work. You mocked me and ridiculed me. You sent me hate mail, some from known senders and some from anonymous senders, but all of you were and are family members. Now you even have your full names in blogs to ridicule me by my name. You are in your late 50s and early 60s, but you do not act like adults. Get out of my life.